Oh Doctor, don't you know?

All of that sirloin and dairy will become impacted in your colon?

Idiot

When you misuse the hyphen, it exponentially increases your brain-deadedness. Yogurt.

Thank you,

for leaving such gold just lying around.

Compulsive Returner

And in case she forgot, the list she wrote herself continues on the other side of the paper.

Yawn.

I'd hate to have dinner at your house.

I beg to differ.

How about if I grabbed one of those suckers and ran?

Oh boy...

Easter Equine Encephalitis, what a treat.

Not a list, but I couldn't help it.

It's been pilin' up awhile.

While you're at it, the kids' closets are full of garbage too. If you could empty those it'd be great. See ya in a week!

Mom's Speech

Box for donations, then straight to the bank.

Do Bill....

Offensive Ricky's gonna get it.

Large "Asshole Style"

Sounds like terrible chicken soup to me.

A Psycho with a Pen

..who really likes Muir Glen products.

To the Anonymous List-giver..

Thank you.

And if you'd like to contribute as well, I would appreciate it.

No Idea.

But I like it.

Untitled for Once.

There are Many Ways to Say it.

I really hope "wipetrons" is another word for toilet paper.

Nice Try Son.

Arthur Levine is a puppy-hater, and a dream-crusher.

Sylvie Knows What She Wants.

And Topping the List....

...Johnny Walker. Then breakfast.

Atrocious Handwriting.

Really. It's awful.

Yam.

Yam.

Words Cannot Describe...

The awesome-ness of this one. Thanks Sam.

Couldn't Write the List at Home...

Written on one of our bakery bags.

Glad that was on the List

What would I have done had I left the market without a job. And a lemon and some chicken.

You know....

...you can totally can that stuff yourself for free.

All You Need to Know

Is it possible....

to completely misspell almost every item on the list?

Can and did.

Didn't even make a valid attempt at "worcestershire".

Filet

Isn't it a weird looking word when you see it written so many times.....filet.....

3 1/2?

If you can't tell by the scan, this one's on a piece of rolling paper.

Thanks Seth.

Time to Make the Drugs...

Mom's Embarrassing Note

I ONLY EAT EQUAL EXCHANGE!

Oh Whole Foods.... Only there would I find a list like this...

Oooo aaaa....

pppp.

Some Unconventional Ingredients

And Don't Forget...

...to kiss the Bobos, and to hug Lil the thrill.

I'm Sorry Kids

"This year we won't be having Mama's famous noodle kugel. I lost her age-old recipe, passed down from mother to daughter for generations."

The Children begin to cry.

Dad pounds his fist on the dining room table and shouts,

"Dammit Charlene!"

Dad storms out of the room knocking a vase to the floor on his way out.

Charlene buries her face in her hands and begins to sob uncontrollably.

Dinner was ruined.

A Winning Team

Leading the community in serious power suits, and helmet hair.

DON'T FORGET THE GODDAMN BASIL

You know what happens when you do....

A Cell is Round

And I don't care that Diane called.

Old School Anorexia

Thank you Sarah and Eighn! This one is crazy. And old.

Child Psycho Goes to the Grocery Store.

I NEED 3 Plumbers and 502 cups. Got my facial already though.

They Were Promptly Arrested.

You'll have to find that ingredient in an alleyway somewhere.

The Cupboards Were Empty

I feel bad for the cashier on this one.

Another Stellar Speller

Thanks Malibu.

"Moving Ideas"

And two carbon atoms in the mozzarella and the goat.

Thanks Ashley.

Maam, I Think You Must be Mistaken.

We keep the T.Vs at the meat counter.

Irreverent Paper

Thanks Joe

Does This Look Like a McDonalds?

Disgusting.

What Will She Say to SHARON?

Without her pre-planned conversational hot points, how will the phone call play out? Static. Dead air.